I like revisiting places from my past so I can see how much I've changed. Today, I got on sheezy. I was bored and kind of lonely. I finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower this morning. I didn't cry, but my eyes watered through the whole book, and when it was over, I felt infinite. I've you've ever read it, that would make sense. I'm going to retake a quiz that was in my journal. I'll leave on my old answers and type new ones, just to compare them. Here goes.
1. What is the status of you and the last person you held hands with?
does my kitty count?!?!
NOW: She's a friend/acquaintence. She aws at my house for a party, and she started to cry, because her mom screamed at her on the phone. I gave her a hug, and held her hand while she talked about it.
2. Whats bothering you right now?
Kettle corn!!! how can it be so tasty, but so sinful?!!?
NOW: How there are some people that are just so easy to love, but they don't understand what you mean when you tell them.
3....
ehahheahaha.... LOL
NOW: What the fuh is the point of this?
4. Wallpaper on your computers desktop?
a pretty pumpkin!!! >.>
NOW: Picture I took of two leaves that were floating on water.
5. Background on your cell phone?
Me and my Christiny-pal!!!!
NOW: My ninja-kitty peering at me from behind a table.
6. What do you want in your life right now?
time time time time.
NOW: For just one semi-normal guy that it doesn't make me nervous to be around to like me, and for me tol ike him back. Nothing else, just that knowing that he knows and know that he knows I know, and him knowing that I know he knows I know.
7. Listening to?
lol.... just the buzz of technology and the voices in my head!!!
NOW: The buzz of technology again. The room is quiet other than the hum on the computer and the sswoosh of the fan.
9. What do you smell like?
-sniffs self- i smell like meeeee.
NOW: My skin smells like the sweet pea and violet body wash I use, my clothes smell like Tide detergent, and my hair smells like the inexpensive pomegranite and grapeseed shampoo I use.
10. Drinking?
in how awesome you are!!!
NOW: I'm not drinking anything. Actually, I haven't eaten of drunk anything all day. I just haven't felt like it.
11. Whats your favorite thing to have on your bed?
mah piwwows. >w<
NOW:Just my pillows and blankets. and me. :] I love sleep.
12. If you could change something in your life, what would it be?
I'd wanna be able to take over the world and make everyone wear smiley-faces on thei'r toe-knuckles!!!
NOW: Ok, seriously, was I on fucking drugs? Are those my answers on this quiz? I really was insane. . . It would be my class rank. I want to be higher.
13. What do you wear to bed?
Stalker... >.>
NOW: Shorts and an oversized t-shirt.
14. Do you remember your dreams?
Yeah... like... the other night, I made friends with a flying toaster, and then we went to tea and crumpets on pluto.
NOW: I must have been on drugs. I don't remember taking any. . . I do, but now, I mostly dream about my friends, family, and the PSAT.
15. Who will you sleep with tomorrow?
Myself!!!! We bettah?!?!?
NOW: Myself again.
16. Have you ever been gambling?
No... >.>....
NOW: Nope.
17. Whats something you wish you could understand better?
I wanna know why the sky can't be red.
NOW: Josh. I wish I could understand Josh. He's such a great person, but he's a closed book most of the time. or he was until recently, and I'll say something like, "Not like you care or anything. . .", and he'll be like, "I care!" and ask if I'm ok, and listen to why my day sucked and be sorry to hear it, but then she's the same again and it's hard to talk to him.
18. What did you do last weekend?
lossa stoof. LOL yay.
NOW: I went camping.
19. Who do you miss?
I miss my buddio-s
NOW: Darell. I never got to ask him how his project went.
20. Who is the last girl and boy you hugged?
boy: My dad
girl: My mom
NOW: Huh. . . Sad. Those answers are the same.
21. Orange juice or apple juice?
A.P.P.L.E.
NOW: I think I'm gonna stick with apple.
22. Who was the last person you went somewhere with?
my debate class! LOLZA
NOW: I went to the new Harry Potter movie with a bunch of friends yesterday, if the question means physically. Today, I mentaly was with Josh. We weren't together physically, and I don't know where it was, but we were in the same place, and we were infinite.
23. What was the last text message you got?
Katheine
NOW: Josh said, "I'm sorry." Becasue told him my dog is going to die soon. She's been having allot of strokes lately. We don't think it will be much longer.
24. Have you kissed anyone on your top friends?
none-za... yeah... that doesn't work.... No.
NOW: I have never kissed been kissed.
25. What was the last thing you drank?
FUZE tea
NOW: Well, it was last night, so I don't really remember. . .I think it was a glass of milk.
26. Whose house did you go to last night?
Mine.
NOW: I stayed home last night.
27. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My mom... wait.... does a mental hospital count? if not.... yeah... still my mom.
NOW: My mom again, but it was a regular hospital this time.
28. do you like somebody right now?
Yup
NOW: I don't even know anymore. There are several guys I think are great, but there's no hope in liking any of them, so I don't really like them. The hardest one to not like is Josh. It's so confusing. I hardly know him, so I shouldn't think about him much. This is probably just because I read his fave book, and now it's my fave, and so I'm being confused by the emotional connection of that, but I don't really have feelings for him. I'll just think myself out of it.
29. Are you bored?
NOEZ!!!
NOW: Well, I need to hurry up. I have to go in a few minutes.
30. What is the last movie you watched?
the ultimate gift
NOW: Harry Potter 6
31. Name three drinks you regularly drink.
Water, Dr.Pepper and Diet green tea
NOW: Water, Pib Zero and milk
32. What are you excited about?
i dunno... my birthday coming up?
NOW: School. Junior year. . I don't really want to be back in school. I just miss the people.
33. Do you want someone you can't have?
Yeah.. I already ranted about that. like i said... not a chance... I could never do that to him. depress him with my company i mean.
NOW: Sort of.
34. Who was last to slap your butt?
uhm.... ewww... i don't know... 0.o
NOW: See above.
35. Where was the last place you went?
skewl.... ewwww....
NOW:The movie theater with my friends
36. What's on your mind right now?
stuff... >.>
NOW: The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Josh asking my if I was ok, and being infinite.
37. Have you cried recently?
nope!
NOW: I almost cried through all of Perks.
38. Have you ever been on a roller coaster?
PSHHH HECKS YAH!!
NOW: Yes, I love roller coasters.
39. Do you care what others think about you?
not too much.
NOW: Yes, but not to the degree that I'm willing to change myself or my opinions to gain their aproval. I am who I am, and I don't mind if people don't like me because of it.
40. What do you do all the time in a car?
read, study the roads.
NOW:Stare out the window, think about everything, or about nothing at all- take a vacaion.
41. Do you trust people easily?
sure!!!
NOW: I do- sometimes too much, and I get hurt for it someones, but that's ok, because I think that we all need to trust people.
43. Do you think you'll be married by 10 months?
no. no. no.
NOW: No. Marriage, tatoos, peircings, drinking, drugs and smoking are all against my personal polocy. Marriage is flexible, but it's not part of my plan. Sure, if the perfect guy comes alon,g I'm not going to blow him off becasue of it, but there are too many people that end up alone to build my future abound it.
44. What do you look forward to in the next 3 months?
my birthday....christmas break... new years... anything that involves people around me being happy.
NOW: School starting and getting the PSAT over with so I can move on with my life. Also, finding out my new GPA and class rank.
45. Who was the last person you called?
Hinata Chan
NOW: Hinata Chan. It feels weird to call her that now. . .
46. Who was the last missed call?
my dad
NOW: Gabriella.
47. What's your ring tone?
it just says "Ringtone 7"
NOW: It's called "Becasue_you..." A friend sent it to me. It's a techno song.
48. Do you have any pets?
Yeah!!!! ^^
NOW: Same two cats and same two dogs.
49. What were you doing at 2am wed night?
sleeping.
NOW: Yep, I was sleeping.
51. What happened at 10:00am today?
Uhmmm.... I was in class... taking a test... (ewwwww)
NOW: I was reading the last 10 or so pages of Perks. I finished it and texted josh shortly after that.
52. How many states have you lived in?
Texas. One state indivisible.
NOW: Texas.
53. What are you doing after this?
Going to scouts.
NOW: Going to bed- that or texting josh more and reading about medicinal herbs from an encyclopedia on herbs that my grandmother lent me.
54. Any plans for tomorrow?
-shudders- I'm waking up at 6AM, going o school, and staying there until 8PM.
NOW: No. . . I'll probably go over to my grandmothers house and spend the day there though. See, she lives there alone with her dog, and her dog's been having strokes lately. I was there earlie, and she(the dog)had three strokes while I was there. She (the dog) will probably die soon. Tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day perhaps. My grandmother will be crushed.
55. Who's one person you want to see right now?
just one? i dunno... any or my friends from last year.
NOW: I don't know. Josh, perhaps, but I know that's not really what I want because I will never be able to accept him for who he is. Not becasue of race or religion or sexual orientation or anythine like that- but because he is Josh, and everything that makes him that way is everything that I am not. He is popular, literally color blind (like red-green or yellow-blue.), introverted, musical, whimsical, reserved. He never talks aobu himself, how he feels or what he thinks. All he does is observe. He won't get involved- as a friend or anything at all. I know that seeing Josh right now is not what I want. What I want is to be alone.
I took this quiz two years ago, and looking back on my answers, I can see how much I've changed. Maybe I was happier then, but I can't imagine that. My life has changed so much. I think all my answers from then are so strange because I just wanted so badly to seem happy, and the answers made me laugh, but I know that I wasn't happy then. At least now I'm starting to build a normal life. I'm starting to be socially normal- doing better in school again. Still, Two years ago, I wasn't the same person I had always been, and now I am neither her nor the girl I was two years ago.
I've made you an administrator. I haven't got the time to keep up with the club right now, since im so busy with school. Welcome to the club!!! We're glad to have you.
You're not stupid! I must have done something wrong... or... I dunno.
hm....i dunno... I'll look into it later. I'm kinda busy. I only have small amounts of tmie to get on the comp,, and i have so many updates!!
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would love to help out if you need it 
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